Aircraft maintenance problems and solutions

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I’ve seen this list float around the ‘net in the past, but it always makes me laugh when I come across it.

Maintenance Write-Ups

AF Form 781 is aboard all Air Force aircraft to record any malfunctions so maintenance personnel can fix the problem before the next flight. Here are some of the problems (P) as posted by the aircrews and solutions (S) of the maintenance personnel to clear the write-up:

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

(P) Test flight OK, but autoland very rough.
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal, other three propeller lack normal seepage.

(P) Something loose in the cockpit.
(S) Something tightened in the cockpit.

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
(S) Evidence removed.

(P) Distance Measuring Equipment (DME) volume unbelieveably loud.
(S) Volume set to more believeable level.

(P) Autopilot in “altitude hold” mode produces 200 fpm decent.
(S) Could not duplicate on the ground.

(P) Dead bugs on windscreen
(S) Live bugs on order.

(P) IFF inoperative.
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

(P) Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick.
(S) That’s what its there for.

(P) #3 engine missing.
(S) #3 engine found on right wing after brief search.

(P) Aircraft handles funnny.
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

(P) Target radar hums.
(S) Reprogrammed target radar to sing.

(via Len, this time)

But what about ‘janitor’?

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…due to what is described as an “unfortunate error in translation,” the Spanish version of Windows XP “gave users an option to select their gender from not specified, male, or ‘bitch.'” Uh, whoops.

— As the Apple Turns, while pointing out various Microsoft geographical and linguistic gaffes.

Incidentally, the title of this post involves an old bit of wisdom passed down from my father to me, in which it was imparted that there are actually three sexes in the human race. This little-known fact can be verified in nearly any large public building simply by strolling past the public restrooms, where you are likely to see three doors: male, female, and janitor.

iTunes: “Edie (Ciao Baby)” by Cult, The from the album Sonic Temple (1989, 4:46).

Hempfest 2004

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Skull

I spent some time today wandering around this year’s Hempfest. I’ve avoided this particular Seattle festival for the past few years I’ve been down here, mostly because of my personal opinions regarding pot. Today, though, I had nothing else planned, and figured it might be worth wandering down with my camera for some peoplewatching.

As for the event itself…well, I can’t honestly say I was very surprised by the attendant crowds. Virtually every stereotype imaginable when dealing with the hemp/pot communities was there, plus all the requisite political hangers-on. Stoners, hippies, thugs, freaks, wierdos, Democrats, Libertarians, Socialists — you name it, that subculture was represented somewhere. Not to mention the ultra-right-wing religious proselytizers.

You poor sick miserable bunch

Is it any wonder so many people have such a dim view of Christianity when these bigoted idiots are the most visible representatives of the religion most of the time? I’ll give them points for perseverance, but that’s about it.

I didn’t bother to listen to any of the speakers I passed on the various stages, and for the most part, none of the few bands that were playing when I wandered by caught my ear enough for me to stop and listen. I did manage to catch a few minutes of a bellydancing performance on one of the stages, though.

Bellydancing

I only ended up sticking around for a couple hours, though, as — speaking of stereotypes — today’s cloudy skies finally started raining. It wasn’t enough rain to really be that much of a bother, but as I didn’t have anything along with me to protect the camera, I decided it was time enough to find my way home. Besides, walking through another thick cloud of marijuana smoke every few minutes was starting to get to be a bit much for me.

All in all, not a bad afternoon, though. Had the weather been a bit better, I probably would have stuck around a bit longer and taken a few more pictures. I’m trying to get over an ingrained resistance to taking pictures of random people, and festivals like this can be a good place to work on that. It’s not an easy thing for me to do, as I’m always at some level afraid that whoever I’m aiming the camera at will get offended, or make the assumption that I’m some sort of creepy voyeuristic freak, or some such thing, but as “still lifes” and buildings get a bit boring after a while, I’m going to keep working on it.

Dancers

iTunes: “My Mind is My Enemy (20,00 Volts of Stimulation Focused)” by Khan, Praga from the album My Mind is My Enemy/Luv U Still (1998, 4:12).

Google Talk

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A post on MeFi led me to this wonderful little toy: Google Talk.

Use Google talk by entering three or four words below. The system will search for this sentence at Google, find the next word and print that. Than it will remove the first word of the search string, add the found word and repeat. The result seems to be meaningfull sometimes. Other times it is giblish. But always fun.

I’ve been playing with it off and on for a while, and it’s come up with some wonderfully nonsensical stuff. Some sample searches below, with the key words I started with in bold:

star wars Episode I- THE Great) war The Great War: The first World War. II THE Wrath of God by AW Tozer in the News: Journal.

george lucas is the only way to Be Human. A Biography of the singer, s voice.

Osama Bin Laden is hiding in the bushes in the backyard and it was all not politically advantageous or large sums of money.

my breasts are too small to See, with a microscope: by a pathologist. who is a Jew? by Choice and Not a Job To do.

my penis is too small for the TEAM: BY the coaches and the media A Guide to the Internet and the World Wide Web Virtual Library History of Science, and Technology

Other people have had some fun playing with this and posting their results. Some of my favorites:

forever will we think about the recent court settlement between Microsoft and the BAVARIAN Alps.

When you walk through a storm Hold your head up high. AND blow Your Brains Out

Jesus Christ died for our sins. BY his blood we shall be Free from defects in material and workmanship.

Imagine all the people Living for today. Imagine there s no heaven, It’ s easy if you’ have the Blues? ask your doctor, and pharmacist if you are allergic to latex, may also be allergic to other foods, as well, as the Dreamcast? and the PC, but I can t GET no satisfaction? I can t get no satisfaction? I can t get no satisfaction?

Monday, I start anew with dreams big enough to crush a human skull with a bullet hole in the back of the North Wind: by GEORGE

jesus saved me from the MAILING list, for the discussion of the Issues raised by the frequent use of the Internet.

Want to play with it yourself? The author has kindly posted code to embed the toy in a webpage, so here we go…

Google talk a Google Hack by Douwe Osinga

Enjoy!

It’s only a matter of time

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Citing an unstable political climate, proven stockpiles of chemical and nuclear weapons, a rigidly government-controlled media, and the need to confront emerging threats in a timely fashion, President George W. Bush announced today that the United States has launched a full-scale invasion of the United States.

(from Karl)

iTunes: “Condensers” by Goldenthal, Elliot from the album Heat (1995, 2:34).

Let’s do the time warp again…

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Oh, how I wish this were true…

The 4th floor elevator door is temporally broken.

I would so love living in a building when after riding the elevator to the 4th floor, you got off and asked, not where you were, but when you were.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid it’s nothing more than an amusing typo.

iTunes: “Lullaby (Extended)” by Cure, The from the album Mixed Up (1989, 7:45).

Schwarzkopf avoids endorsing Bush

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Four years ago, retired Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf enthusiastically endorsed George W. Bush in his presidential bid.

“… Recalling back to Operation Desert Storm, I can’t help asking myself: Wouldn’t it be great for our armed forces and for America if we could have another commander-in-chief named George Bush with Dick Cheney on his team?” Schwarzkopf said.

This year, however, “Stormin'” Norman appears to be singing a different tune. On Tuesday’s Hardball television show, host Chris Matthews tried to sound out who Schwarzkopf would be voting for.

MATTHEWS:  Who are you voting for?

(LAUGHTER)

SCHWARZKOPF:  I’ve—you know, I’ve…

MATTHEWS:  Boy, would I love to know!

SCHWARZKOPF:  I’ve always told you…

MATTHEWS:  I’d love to know.

SCHWARZKOPF:  I’ve always told you I’m an independent.

MATTHEWS:  But you got to vote, you know?  Is it going to be for Bush, Kerry, or Nader.  I don’t think it’s Nader, so how about one of the other two?

SCHWARZKOPF:  What’s wrong with Nader?  You don’t like Nader?

MATTHEWS:  I’m just—I don’t think he’s your man.  I’m just—I’m trying to probe here, General.  I’m just probing.  No comment?

SCHWARZKOPF:  Let me put it this way.  You know, I’ll know exactly who I’m voting for the day I pull the lever on that machine…or push the buttons, whatever it happens to be.

Okay, sure, it’s not exactly an endorsement for Kerry (or even Nader), either, but there’s definitely not the cheerleading for Bush that was going on during the 2000 presidential race.

If word does come out that Schwarzkopf’s vote really is going for someone other than Bush, that could probably give a good many people pause.

(via Atrios via Al Rodgers)

iTunes: “Is There Anybody Out There?” by Pink Floyd from the album Wall, The (1979, 2:39).

Preaching to the Choir

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Cambridge, OH:

On Saturday morning, I went to Cambridge with a friend. Wanting to see the President, but not wanting to be seen as supporting his policies, I wore a Kerry/Edwards T-shirt. […] As I approached the security area, one low-level security person asked me to turn my shirt inside out. As I said, I was only there to hear the President, and so I complied. When I got to the main security area, however, the same man came up to me again, told me he had checked with his superiors, and that I would not be allowed into the event with the Kerry/Edwards T-shirt.

Traverse City, MI:

…Bush campaign staffers tore up the 55-year-old social studies teacher’s ticket and refused her admission because she sported a small sticker on her blouse that touted the Democratic ticket of John Kerry and John Edwards.

Rio Rancho, NM:

Last week, some Democrats who signed up to hear Vice President Dick Cheney speak Saturday in this town near Albuquerque were refused tickets unless they signed a pledge to endorse President Bush.

Tampa, FL:

The reports and interviews by the St. Petersburg Times suggest it was the volunteers who first demanded the three protesters surrender their small signs, which derided George W. Bush and brought attention to Gay Pride Month. Summoned to the scene, police charged the protesters with trespassing when they refused to give up the signs or to leave. Volunteers at the Legends Field event say they were just following orders given by event organizers that prohibited signs on the field. But video footage obtained by the Times appears to show the rule was selectively enforced. Even as the disturbance unfolded, numerous crowd members were allowed to wave pro-Bush signs, some handmade, some professionally printed.

More of Bush and company applying his ridiculously nearsighted “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” policy to his own constituents. It’s very clear now: if you’re not a raving fan, you have no business being anywhere near the President of the United States.

(via BOP)

iTunes: “Never Enough (Big)” by Cure, The from the album Mixed Up (1990, 6:07).

Just stop already!

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Okay, okay, okay.

I’m a fan of the Nightmare on Elm Street series (conditionally — films one, three, and seven are good, the others range from just silly to downright bad).

I’ve only seen the first of the Friday the Thirteenth series, and I enjoyed it (though my only jump was right at the end).

I was even pleasantly surprised by the Freddy vs. Jason crossover film — it was silly and dumb, but very enjoyably so, and not nearly as bad as I’d expected it to be.

I’m also a big fan of Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series.

But come on people.

Freddy vs. Jason…vs. Ash?!?!?

This is just ridiculous — and not a good kind of ridiculous.

If this actually gets made, I just hope they all die. No resurrections. No sequels. There obviously isn’t anything more that can actually be done with any of the characters that actually involves any amount of creativity, so just let them die already.

Ugh.

(via Ryan)

iTunes: “Swim” by Spahn Ranch from the album Virgin Voices: A Tribute to Madonna Vol. 1 (1999, 4:36).

Costco Caskets?

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This is just silly: in case you’re looking to save a few bucks while shopping for the latest death in the family, you can now pick up coffins at Costco.

No word in the article on whether you get a discount while buying in bulk (handy for the up-and-coming serial killer, I’m sure).

As Prairie asked, can you get any more white trash than this? Me, I’d love to see a shopping list with “coffin for Grandma” sandwiched in between a case of WD-40 and bulk order of breakfast cereal for the kids.

Either that, or just go in and shop for a casket and a bundle of wooden (tent) stakes.

iTunes: “Genocide (Original)” by Euphoria from the album Best of Rave, The Vol. 3 (1992, 4:20).