Enthusiastically Ambiverted Hopepunk
Things that make me laugh, or that I think will make others laugh.
Y’know, it’s really sad that this kind of polite, civil, and amusing discourse is so rarely seen these days. Two people on very different sides of an issue who, rather than loudly proclaiming their absolute certainty that they are right and the other is wrong, are able to amiably chat and joke with each other about the differences in their viewpoints.
Part one:
Part two:
This is neither pro-Obama nor anti-Clinton in my mind — I haven’t officially taken a stance yet, though unofficially I’m throwing my vote in with Cthulhu (why settle for the lesser of two evils, after all?) — I just think it’s really funny. It’s also ganked in full from the Slog:
Uh oh. Earlier this week Hillary Clinton instructed supporters to bet on the filly in the Kentucky Derby. In other words: Bet on Eight Belles, the only female in the horse race (and, Clinton obviously hoped, a potentially promising metaphor/omen for herself and her chances of winning the Democratic nomination).
Well, as local sports fanatic Seth Kolloen just pointed out via email (and on his blog), it didn’t go so well for the filly today.
In a development that you couldn’t even make up, Eight Belles finished second, but broke both her ankles during the race, collapsed at the end, and was immediately euthanized on the track.
(Oh — while it shouldn’t need to be clarified, just to cover my bases with the terminally dense: no, the injury and death of the horse is not funny. The “seemed like a good idea at the time” and subsequently horrifically botched political analogy is hilarious.)
A bit of pseudo-Shakespearean silliness, originally by ceruleanst:
ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter a carriage, with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.
J: And know’st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.
J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen’s own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT’s throat
J: Speak ‘What’ again! Thou cur, cry ‘What’ again!
I dare thee utter ‘What’ again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but ‘What’,
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.
(via Boing Boing)
Joshua Allen (aka Fireland) uses Science! to determine the perfect song length: two minutes and forty-two seconds.
Just look at what clocks in between two and a half and three minutes: “Mr. Tambourine Man,” “We Got the Beat,” “Boys Don’t Cry,” “Hot Fun in the Summertime,” “Good Times Bad Times,” “I Would Die 4 U,” “Paranoid,” “Blowin’ in the Wind,” “Debaser,” “God Only Knows,” and “Fall on Me.” These are not only stone-cold classics but they also encapsulate all that is great about the band without wasting your goddamn time.
The scientists then dug up this song by a group that pretty much defines one-hit wonder: the La’s. The song is “There She Goes,” and is so flawless that it instantly made everything else the band did pointless. This ditty is two minutes and 42 seconds, and is all about songwriting economy.
I listened to it and said, in my rich and sonorous timbre, in my typically concise and absolutely-nailing-it fashion: “Here is a song that has everything I need and nothing I don’t.”
Out of curiosity (and amusement), I did a quick scan of my music collection to see what I had that clocked in at this magical time. Here’s a few that I noticed that deserve mention (though whether they prove or disprove his conclusions may well depend on your personal taste)…
All in all, some good stuff in there. He just might be on to something…
At least, according to the BBC and Monty Python’s Terry Jones on April 1st, they can…
Easily the best April Fools bit I’ve seen in years. Dad’s gonna love this one!
A bit of silliness here. A few months back, Prairie and I went to see Monty Python’s Spamalot when it was here in Seattle. In the programs, where you’d expect to find the show information and cast/creator bios, there was instead very Pythonesque information about ‘Bin Faaarkrekkion’s New Moosical, Dik Od Triaanenen Fol (Finns Ain’t What They Used to Be)‘. The actual Spamalot information was a few pages back in the program, of course. Here, though, for those who may not get to see Spamalot onstage, is the skinny on ol’ Bin Faaarkrekkion.
I’ve long been a fan of Pulp‘s song ‘Common People‘, and some time back I stumbled across the mini-comic of the song drawn by Tank Girl artist Jamie Hewlett, which was a great find. A couple days ago, comic reviewer Chris Sims, in an inspired bit of silliness, set the lyrics for ‘Common People’ to a bunch of altered Archie comic panels.
Continuing the silliness, I spent a little time tonight combining Chris’s strips with Pulp’s song…enjoy!
Interesting postscript: after I uploaded the video, I got an ominously titled e-mail from YouTube with the subject “Copyright Notice”.
Dear Member:
This is to notify you that your video Archie vs. Pulp: Common People has been identified as containing content that may be owned by someone else. The material identified in your video, the person claiming ownership of the material, and the policy they have designated for its use on YouTube are detailed below.
Material Copyright Holder Policy Countries Audio from PULP-COMMON PEOPLE UMG Allow Everywhere If the policy listed is “Allow,” you do not need to take action.
Neat — many thanks to UMG for being gracious enough to set an ‘Allow’ policy on this music. Nifty!
A wire story in Monday’s Seattle PI: Man acquitted of murder in Othello.
My first thought: “Y’know, that’s not how I remember that play going….”
Stupid humor time, folks. Australian website Same Same, preparing for Sydney’s 30th Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, just ran a reader poll to determine the ‘50 Gayest Songs of All Time‘.
…last month we asked you to vote for what songs out of the vast catalogue of musical history you think deserve to be called camp classics. We received thousands of votes, and now that they have all been counted and triple-checked, we’re proud to finally reveal exactly what songs have made it into the final list of the Gayest Songs of All Time.
I figured I’d run down the list and figure out just how many of these camp classics have made it into my music collection over the years. So, under the cut — does my music collection make the grade? How’s my collection of gay anthems?