Humor
Things that make me laugh, or that I think will make others laugh.
Best Viewed Large
I have to admit to a certain curiosity about the tendency for so many people to add “best viewed large” to the descriptions of a photo they’ve uploaded to Flickr. Two things are constantly popping into my head when I see “best viewed large” added to a photo:
- Is there really any photo of decent quality that won’t be “better” (that is, clearer, easier to distinguish fine details, and showing less JPEG distortion) at a larger size?
-
How long (assuming it hasn’t happened already) before someone uploads a picture of a penis with this phrase tacked onto the description?
Chances are, if I like a photo enough, I’m going to see if there’s a larger resolution available whether or not someone tells me to; conversely, if a photo doesn’t interest me, I’m not likely to try downloading a larger version just to see if it magically gets better.
All in all, it seems a little silly.
“Under Pressure” by Queen from the album Classic Queen (1981, 4:03).
Appropriate Blame
Snipped from Terrance:
Wanda Sykes, on Jay Leno, says of president Bush.
Jay: “But President Bush took responsibility.”
Wanda: “I don’t think the President should have taken responsibility…. I don’t blame the President. I blame the American people. Y’all knew the man was slow when you voted him in. You can’t blame the blind man for wrecking your car when you’re the one who gave him the keys.”
So very, very true.
Presidential Potty Break
Snopes just confirmed that this is an authentic photo of a note written by President Bush “to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a Security Council meeting at the 2005 World Summit and 60th General Assembly of the United Nations in New York September 14, 2005.” Apparently the photo’s been causing something of a stir because of the content of the note:
I think I may need a bathroom break? Is this possible…
While it’s an admittedly easy opportunity to snicker at our dearly beloved führer president, I think people have been interpreting this incorrectly.
President Bush wasn’t checking to make sure he could wander out to the restroom without offending anyone.
The real story is that he wasn’t sure. He didn’t say that he needed a break — he said that he thought he might need a bathroom break. He then followed that up by musing as to whether it was even possible that he’d need a bathroom break.
Weird, weird man.
“ToriMix v1” by Amos, Tori from the album Difficult Listening Hour (2000, 45:31).
…has a posse
I saw this sticker slapped on the side of a lamppost last night and it made me laugh:
This one’s the product of 2045 Seattle, a pro-monorail campaign.
There’s more and more posses out there these days. Andre the Giant had the first, Charles Darwin has one, Darth Vader, even Tony Danza…and I know there’s more.
But there was only one problem. I didn’t have a posse.
So I had to take care of that.
Pussy Power!
Today’s news of the weird: Inventor fuels car with dead cats.
A German inventor has angered animal rights activists with his answer to fighting the soaring cost of fuel — dead cats.
Christian Koch, 55, from the eastern county of Saxony, told Bild newspaper that his organic diesel fuel — a homemade blend of garbage, run-over cats and other ingredients — is a proven alternative to normal consumer diesel.
Koch said around 20 dead cats added into the mix could help produce enough fuel to fill up a 50-liter (11 gallon) tank.
Never fear, though…it turns out that while the biodiesel fuel Koch is working on is real, the “dead cats” angle was nothing more than the overactive imagination of a Bild newspaper reporter.
A German inventor said he has developed a method to produce crude oil products from waste that he believes can be an answer the soaring costs of fuel, but denied a German newspaper story implying he also used dead cats.
“I use paper, plastics, textiles and rubbish,” Koch told Reuters.
“It’s an alternative fuel that is friendly for the environment. But it’s complete nonsense to suggest dead cats. I’ve never used cats and would never think of that. At most the odd toad may have jumped in.”
Bild on Tuesday wrote a headline: “German inventor can turn cats into fuel — for a tank he needs 20 pussies.” The paper on Wednesday followed up with a story entitled: “Can you really make fuel out of cats?”
A spokesman for Bild told Reuters the story was meant to show that cat remains could “in theory” be used to make fuel with Koch’s patented method.
The author of the story said Koch had never told him directly that he had used dead cats as the story implied.
Sounds like Bild employs one reporter who’d make a better fit at the Weekly World News….
“Liontamer” by Faithless from the album Outrospective (2001, 5:48).
White Foragers Report Threat Of Black Looters
From The Onion:
NEW ORLEANS—Throughout the Gulf Coast, Caucasian suburbanites attempting to gather food and drink in the shattered wreckage of shopping districts have reported seeing African Americans “looting snacks and beer from damaged businesses.” “I was in the abandoned Wal-Mart gathering an air mattress so I could float out the potato chips, beef jerky, and Budweiser I’d managed to find,” said white survivor Lars Wrightson, who had carefully selected foodstuffs whose salt and alcohol content provide protection against contamination. “Then I look up, and I see a whole family of [African-Americans] going straight for the booze. Hell, you could see they had already looted a fortune in diapers.” Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops.
They’re somewhat on-again/off-again, but when the Onion is on, they’re dead on.
The Worst One of All
Scoble’s playing with Vista’s security improvements:
Yup, I’m thinking of doing a honeypot computer running Windows Vista. You know, a computer where you visit the absolute worst sites you can find on the Internet and see if you get infected with stuff.
I’ve already visited the sites that my friends got spyware and malware from. So far so good. But, that’s a small set. Anyone have a good up-to-date list of places that put nasty stuff on your computer?
I was going to suggest www.microsoft.com, but he’s already been bit by that bug. ;)
(Seriously, though, while he hasn’t given much in the way of results yet, it’s good that they’re making some progress on this front. Too little too late? We’ll find out when Vista actually debuts.)
“Duty Free (full mix)” by Various Artists from the album Duty Free (full mix) (1999, 1:13:56).
Al-Qaeda’s Shoes
As if it’s not bad enough that advertising in RSS feeds is showing up more and more often, we’re also being subjected to the many instances where the context-selection fails miserably when deciding which ad should go with which story…
Arrogant Bastard Ale
James, Marc, Chris: I think I’ve found the perfect drink for you guys. ;)
This is an aggressive beer. You probably won’t like it. It is quite doubtful that you have the taste or sophistication to be able to appreciate an ale of this quality and depth. We would suggest that you stick to safer and more familiar territory — maybe something with a multi-million dollar ad campaign aimed at convincing you it’s made in a little brewery, or one that implies that their tasteless fizzy yellow beer will give you more sex appeal. Perhaps you think multi-million dollar ad campaigns make a beer taste better. Perhaps you’re mouthing your words as you read this.
(Photo originally uploaded by dantc)