Humor

Things that make me laugh, or that I think will make others laugh.

Requested: The Meaning of Life

by

Requested by Tim Who?:

What is the meaning of life?

It’s a movie by the British comedy group Monty Python.

Why are we here? What’s life all about?
Is God really real, or is there some doubt?
Well, tonight, we’re going to sort it all out,
For, tonight, it’s ‘The Meaning of Life’.

What’s the point of all this hoax?
Is it the chicken and the egg time? Are we just yolks?
Or, perhaps, we’re just one of God’s little jokes.
Well, ça c’est le ‘Meaning of Life’.

Is life just a game where we make up the rules
While we’re searching for something to say,
Or are we just simply spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA. Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay.

In this ‘life’, what is our fate?
Is there Heaven and Hell? Do we reincarnate?
Is mankind evolving, or is it too late?
Well, tonight, here’s ‘The Meaning of Life’.

For millions, this ‘life’ is a sad vale of tears,
Sitting ’round with rien nothing to say
While the scientists say we’re just simply spiralling coils
Of self-replicating DNA. Nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay.

So, just why– why are we here,
And just what– what– what– what do we fear?
Well, ce soir, for a change, it will all be made clear,
For this is ‘The Meaning of Life’. C’est le sens de la vie.
This is ‘The Meaning of Life’.

Either that, or simply ‘42‘. Your choice.

iTunes “Animal…Come Back Animal” by Williams, Paul from the album Muppet Movie, The (1979, 1:30).

Homeless Vet

by

My mind misinterpreted a sign I saw while walking back to work from lunch, and I ended up spending the next few moments contemplating a world with destitute veterinatarians on the street corners, holding up their handmade cardboard signs as people walked by, begging for “Spare Change or Sick Puppies?”

Malicious Software Removal

by

Sure, I knew Microsoft was evil, but I never expected them to actually brag about it. Today brings the release of their Malicious Software Removal Tool, though, so I guess I was wrong.

I’m curious just who they expect to be excited about this announcement. Malicious software removal? It’s bad enough that so much of their software is fairly malicious in standard day to day operations, but now they’re actively promoting a product that, judging by its name, will gleefully and with great gusto go rampaging through your computer, removing the most useful pieces of software it can find?

What hubris! What unmitigated gall!

 

What?

It’s a tool to remove malicious software?

Oh. Well, that’s different.

(via /.)

Read more

Who are you?

by

So.

You’re the head of a highly secretive company.

You’re known for being temperamental and very mysterious.

The goods your company produces are highly popular, but they’re developed in secret.

When they’re introduced, they’re invariably accompanied by much anticipation, a media blitz, and fans worldwide salivating over the newest products.

Who are you?

Read more

The Phantom in 15 Minutes

by

While she’s not posting much at the moment due to work on a book, Cleolinda Jones has graced us with another Movies in 15 Minutes parody: The Phantom of the Opera.

VOICE FROM THE DAAÉ TOMB: Christine! Come to me!

CHRISTINE: Daddy? Is that you?

VOICE FROM THE DAAÉ TOMB: …Sure, if that’s your kink.

[Raoul rides up, leaps off his white charger, and tosses his hair urgently.]

RAOUL: Christine! That’s not your dad! That’s just the Phantom!

VOICE FROM THE DAAÉ TOMB: NO IT’S NOT! I’M TOTALLY HER DAD! DADDY LOVES YOU, CHRISTINE!

RAOUL: Oh, COME ON, Christine! You hung out with this guy! You fell in love with his stupid voice! You ought to be able to recognize it!

CHRISTINE: Well, it does sound kind of familiar…

RAOUL: And you saw his face, right?

CHRISTINE: Well… yeah… I mean… he bears kind of a passing resemblance to my father… I mean, aside from the giant Sunburn of Doom… He really looked like my dad when we were singing about the Music of the Night and he was running his hands all over me.

RAOUL: YOU ARE WRONG IN THE HEAD.

THE PHANTOM: I KEEL YOU, FABIO!

Even without having seen the movie adaptation, I know the story well enough to get the jokes in here. Quite cute (and with that many mentions of breasts, I just might have a reason to see the movie after all…).

iTunes “Dragonflies (Überzone’s Strapped to Your Bed)” by Povi from the album Plastic Compilation Vol. III (1999, 4:09).

12 Sentences

by

From ctakahara: Take the first sentence of the first post of each month for the past year and make a paragraph from it.

Seattle’s library system has been in something of a state of flux ever since I moved down here. Item 1: CBS refuses to run ‘issue advocacy’ ads from MoveOn and PETA during the SuperBowl. Congratulations Peter (and everyone else) on setting a new record for the Oscars by winning every single one of the 11 Oscars that you were nominated for. While I won’t be swapping my post order around, Monday’s discussion on weblog post order has resulted in one small change here on Eclecticism. My birthday weekend started off with this year’s Birth Day for Jason Webley, his annual “resurrection” show, this year combined with the CD release party for Only Just Beginning. If I were to move anywhere I often think it would be San Francisco. Completely on a whim tonight after getting home from work, I decided to head down to see if I could get into an opening-night showing of Spider Man 2. Just a reminder — today is the day of the Ballard Locks Photo Workshop organized in response to Ian Spiers’ experiences while photographing the Locks. My little brother and my one-month old nephew. You know, much as I’d like to get excited about the prospect of a Bloom County feature film, given Disney’s track record over the past few years (nearly anything without Pixar’s involvement is a waste of time — Pirates of the Caribbean and Lilo and Stitch are the only exceptions I can think of, and even Lilo, while enjoyable, isn’t quite up to the standards Disney used to have), the news that their first foray into 3-D animation without Pixar’s involvement will be a Bloom County film doesn’t thrill me. Sunday afternoon, Prairie and I went over to visit Prairie’s sister and her boyfriend to visit, celebrate Prairie’s birthday, and visit their new puppy, Loodie. On the off chance anyone noticed, my site (along with all other sites I host) had about two hours of downtime earlier today.

Okay, that was silly. And my lord I write some long sentences.

iTunes “Let Me Entertain You” by Shakespear’s Sister from the album Hormonally Yours (1991, 5:14).

Moose or Mouse?

by

The actual story itself is mildly amusing, but what really made me laugh was that when I read the summary on Fark — “Mouse causes auto accident by climbing inside the driver’s pants” — I actually read it as “Moose causes auto accident by climbing inside the driver’s pants”.

Big pants. Or tiny moose. Either way, wouldn’t the antlers get rather uncomfortable?

iTunes “This One-Eyed Man is King” by Legendary Pink Dots, The from the album From Here You’ll Watch the World Go By (1995, 5:12).

Santa’s Flight Exam

by

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.

In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.

The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for the sled’s enormous payload.

Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in, fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun. “What’s that for?” asked Santa incredulously.

The examiner winked and said, “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.”

(via The Usual Suspects)