Disney turning Bloom County 3-D

You know, much as I’d like to get excited about the prospect of a Bloom County feature film, given Disney‘s track record over the past few years (nearly anything without Pixar‘s involvement is a waste of time — Pirates of the Caribbean and Lilo and Stitch are the only exceptions I can think of, and even Lilo, while enjoyable, isn’t quite up to the standards Disney used to have), the news that their first foray into 3-D animation without Pixar’s involvement will be a Bloom County film doesn’t thrill me.

Miramax Films will co-finance and distribute computer-animated family films starting with “Opus,” adapted from the popular “Bloom County” comic strip, the company said Thursday.

Miramax will release some of the films under its Dimension banner and produce them in conjunction with Wild Brain Inc., a San Francisco-based animated film company perhaps best known for creating the nasty toe fungus in commercials for the prescription drug Lamisil.

Now, while I don’t know anything about Wild Brain (or their nasty toe fungus), the fact that the movie will be under the Disney subsidiary Miramax does give some hope that the end result won’t be as Disney-fied as might otherwise be the case (after all, Miramax does distribute a lot of movies I enjoy, including many of Kevin Smith‘s works). So maybe it won’t be all bad, right? But then the article goes on…

The deal envisions lower budget feature films consistent with Miramax’s independent studio status. Films will cost about half of the bigger budget movies produced by Pixar Animation Studios or DreamWorks SKG.

“What you spend doesn’t necessarily reflect on how good the movie is,” said Jim Miller, Wild Brain chairman.

Well, sure Jim, that’s quite true — there are many, many examples of low-budget films whose quality far outshines the big-budget extravaganzas foisted upon us by the movie studios each summer. However, that said, “low-budget” isn’t really a term I tend to associate with CGI. Still, I will easily admit that I know jack squat about the costs involved in CGI. Maybe it is possible to create a quality feature length CGI film on 1/2 the budget of a Pixar film (though given how good Pixar’s films are, and how successful, I’d hesitate to consider calling their work too expensive).

I’m also having a little difficulty trying to envision the Bloom County universe as a fully three-dimensional rendered world. I keep trying to picture Opus, Bill, and the rest of the critters as 3-D models, and stumbling. On top of that, there are the human characters — Milo, Binkley, Steve, Cutter John, Oliver — and human animation is getting better, but will it be good enough to actually realize the characters I’ve grown up with?

But beyond the quality of the animation and the talent of the animators, there’s this little thing called the script that someone’s got to worry about, and when dealing with a property as well-known and loved as Bloom County, that’s got to be very important consideration.

The choice of subject for the first film reflects Miramax’s eclectic tastes and could prove to be a hard sell, especially to younger audiences.

The character of Opus is a rotund penguin with a cynical world view – far from the heartwarming characters at the center of such films as “Finding Nemo.”

“We agree that it’s a challenge,” Miller said. “How do you take the essence of those characters, who are a little cynical, and move them into a story that can reach adults at the ‘Bloom County’ level and children at their level? We think we have a terrific story.”

The challenge has been given to screenwriter Craig Mazin, whose credits include “Scary Movie 3.” “Bloom County” is written by Berkeley Breathed.

And therein lies my real fear.

So far, I’ve only ever seen two properties that I ever felt could really bridge the gap between children’s entertainment and adult entertainment in a way that successfully appealed to both age groups without pandering to either: The Muppets (with the original television show and the first movie being the high points) and Animaniacs. All too often, either something ends up being watered down too much in order to aim at the children, and the adults have to sit through mind-numbingly asinine shows to appease their children, or the humor is aimed so much at the adult level that parents aren’t comfortable allowing younger children to watch.

Combining the two is a very tricky business, often requiring a level of subtlety that I just don’t see much these days. Rather than going for obvious “adult” or “juvenile” humor (which, admittedly, these days seems all too similar, usually revolving around toilet humor, with the only real difference being whether or not there’s a sexual overtone), it seems to require more thought to the humor — more intelligent jokes, more puns, veiled references…done well (as both the Muppets and Animaniacs did), it can be incredibly enjoyable for both age groups. Done poorly, and nobody enjoys it as much as they should.

Of course, as with all things, there will be no real way to know until it comes out, which should be sometime in 2006. Until then, though…well, I won’t be holding my breath. And if all else fails, there is a lot of Bloom County in print that is just as funny to me now as it was when it came out (sometimes funnier, as I’ve grown older and more able to understand some of the humor).

iTunesAttached” by Orbital from the album Snivilisation (1994, 12:25).

Where it all began…

In case there was any curiosity where my tendency for innuendo-laced humor, flirting, and the occasional blatantly sexual comment come from, I present you with the following evidence…

Me, mom...and Playboy

Me at age two or three, in mom’s lap…looking at a Playboy.

Doomed from birth, I tell you. I couldn’t have been “normal” if I tried. ;)

iTunesRhapsody” by Siouxsie and the Banshees from the album Peepshow (1988, 6:22).

Debate rules

Just overheard on KEXP, during a momentary digression to talk about tonight’s presidential debate…

“You’ll be happy to know that the podiums are lucite, clear. So there won’t be anybody scratching their balls during this debate.”

(long pause)

“Did you just say what I think you did?”

“Yup.”

“I don’t know if you can say that!”

“Oops! I hope the boss wasn’t listening.”

“We crossed a line. I didn’t know there were any left.”

Cheryl and John

Incidentally, they’re in the midst of their pledge drive. If you don’t listen to KEXP yet (and you don’t even have to live in Seattle, thanks to the miracle of streaming audio), you should…and if you do, toss ’em a few dollars. I just did. :)

1000 millimeters in an inch

Okay, I know that the US has, as a whole, been resisting switching over to the metric system (a real shame in my opinion). But still — you’d think that the Department of Homeland Security would be a little more informed than they appear to be

Is there a particular type (brand) of duct tape that citizens should buy?

The Federal Emergency Management Agency recommends using duct tape with a minimum thickness of 10 millimeters (0.01 in).

What is the most effective type of plastic sheeting?

FEMA recommends using plastic sheeting with a thickness of 10 millimeters (0.01 in.).  For reference, commercially available sheeting is typically sold at 0.7, 1, 1.2, 1.5, 2, 2.5, 3, 4, 6 and 10 millimeters. But, keep in mind that any type of plastic sheeting, even heavy trash bags, can be better than nothing.

[…]

What is the science behind the recommendation to seal off rooms?

Duct tape was tested as part of a study on chemical protective clothing materials. In this study, it was concluded that duct tape provided at least a temporary seal against permeation by simulants of common chemical agents, including GB, VX, mustard and pesticides.  Depending on the chemical agent, duct tape resisted permeation for 3 ½ hours to more than 24 hours.  The study tested duct tape of 10 mil (0.01 in.) thickness.  Plastic sheeting was tested as part of a test using live chemical warfare agents conducted at the Chemical Defense Establishment in Porton Down, England in 1970.  Agents tested included H and VX.  Sheeting of various thickness was tested, including 2.5 millimeters (0.0025 in.), 4 millimeters (0.004 in.), 10 millimeters (0.01 in.) and 20 millimeters (0.02 in.).

For the curious, using Google‘s handy dandy little calculation function, here’s the real numbers:

Of course, maybe I’m working from the wrong assumption. Maybe the Government just needs to smack Google around and tell them to get their math right…

(via Rick)

iTunes “Disco Inferno (Soul Solution)” by Lauper, Cyndi from the album Disco Inferno (1999, 7:52).

Votergasm!

Finally, a campaign I can get behind.

Um…so to speak.

Are you a Citizen, a Patriot — or an American Hero?

Citizen: I pledge to withhold sex from non-voters for the week following the election.

Patriot: I pledge to have sex with a voter on election night and withhold sex from non-voters for the week following the election.

American Hero: I pledge to have sex with a voter on election night and withhold sex from non-voters for the next four years.

Disclaimers:

  • Pledge-fulfilling sex must be consensual, legal, and generous. And safe. And hot.
  • Acceptable sexual positions include, but are not limited to: missionary, doggy-style, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, leapfrog, butterfly, humpback whale, cling wrap, squashing of the deck chair, accordion, reverse piggy-back, advanced (“twin”) leapfrog. Male-male, female-female, group, and oral variations of these positions can also be used to satisfy the pledge.
  • Taking the pledge indicates a good-faith effort to abide by its provisions. Pledge-takers who have violated withholding provisions become effective non-voters, and are barred from sex with fellow pledge-takers.
  • Pledge-takers who fail to vote are forbidden from masturbating. (Exemption: pledge-takers who are not eligible to vote are encouraged to masturbate frequently.)
  • “Cybersex” does not satisfy the pledge, dorkwad.
  • Non-voters may render themselves eligible for sex with American Heroes by voting at least twice in local, primary, and/or 2006 congressional races. Those voting in only one such race qualify to perform, but not receive, oral sex on American Heroes.
  • Achievement of a Votergasm during election-night sex is probable, but not guaranteed. Those encountering difficulty reaching Votergasm are encouraged to slow things down, talk about it, and reduce the pressure. Other techniques include the use of massage oils, toys, “dirty talk,” “ballot stuffing,” and “exit polls.”
  • Per the U.S. Constitution, children conceived on election night are eligible for gigantic interest-free loans from the U.S. government, and special t-shirts.

(via Rick)

Olympic Commentary

Many, many thanks to Tim for finding this one.

Sometimes, the best part about the Olympics isn’t the events or the athletes themselves, but the commentary…

  • Weightlifting commentator: “This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”
  • Dressage commentator: “This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”
  • Paul Hamm, Gymnast: “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
  • Boxing Analyst: “Sure there have been injuries,and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.”
  • Softball announcer: “If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
  • Basketball analyst: “He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.”
  • At the rowing medal ceremony: “Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.”
  • Soccer commentator: “Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
  • Tennis commentator: “One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them…Oh my God, what have I just said?”

What a deal!

Y’know, it’s really a shame I don’t go to Florida State University. Turns out that they’re working on setting up a special deal with Apple

In an effort to prevent illegal file sharing on campus, Florida State University is on the verge of finalizing a deal with Apple Computer, Inc. — a deal that would provide free iTunes software to students and allow them to download music for 99 cents per song.

I’ve gotta say, that’s one hell of a deal. iTunes for free — and individual songs for just 99 cents!?! Amazing!

\</sarcasm>

iTunes: “Come With Me” by Information Society from the album Hack (1990, 4:22).