The Worm Within

This one may seem a little odd (at least, that is, if you haven’t seen it linked on every other site on the ‘net yet), but it’s worth it: one man’s experience dealing with one of the ickiest digestive problems possible — a tapeworm.

Yes, the subject matter is likely to make you cringe. But it’s also incredibly well written, and if you’re not too squeamish, well worth reading.

I was leaning forward, my nails scrabbling on his desk. Some sort of living thing was eating with me, sleeping with me, sharing my childhood traumas without my permission, and was with me during those intimate moments when I achieved orgasms, with or without a consenting partner. How embarrassing.

[…]

I was already entertaining dramatic fantasies. I visualized the tapeworm securely hooked at the bottom of my throat using the spiny little stabbing things they had, its mouth ajar, and every time I ate, it ate; I drank, it swallowed; when I got caught in the rain, it stayed dry.

Of course, this reminds me of a question that Royce used to toss out every so often, just to see what sort of interesting answers he might get. The more creative the answer, the better. The question was (probably slightly paraphrased, as I’m doing this from memory)…

You discover that you’re the host of a sixteen foot tapeworm one day when half of it comes out. What do you do?

There were many good (as in hilarious, and frequently very wrong) answers given at the time, two of which have stuck with me, though I can’t remember if either of them was my answer or not.

  1. Hang it out of my fly and scare small children.
  2. Well, if of the eight feet that came out, half came out one end and half came out the other, I could string myself up between two trees like a hammock.

I’m sure there were more answers worth preserving for posterity. If they’re still around anywhere, Royce would have to be the one to fess up to their existence. ;)

(via MeFi)

Poem in Your Pocket

First off, a quick explanation for things being so quiet around here lately: I’m working on a redesign of the site. In some ways, nothing major, as I’ll be keeping the same basic visual style, and I’m “just” transforming it from a single-column back to a two-column layout. However, that’s caused me to re-code from the bottom up in order to get everything working the way I want it, which has been keeping me busy over the past few nights.

The new design probably won’t go up until sometime next week at the earliest (this being birthday weekend and all, spending hours in front of the computer is fairly low priority), but it’ll go up as soon as I can manage it.

Today, though, is Poem In Your Pocket day. Originally started by the New York Times and the City of New York, someone on Orkut’s blogger community suggested turning this into a meme.

“The City of New York and The New York Times invite you to join us on April 30, 2004 for Poem in Your Pocket Day… New Yorkers are encouraged to carry a poem in their pocket and share it with friends, family, coworkers and classmates.”

I thought it would be a great idea if bloggers did something similar on April 30th:

To commemorate the end of National Poetry Month, blog about your favorite poem and provide at least one link to other poems and/or a bio of the poet.

Now, admittedly, I’ve never been much of one for poetry. For one reason or another, it’s an art form that has consistently failed to capture my interest much at all. However, there is one poet that I absolutely love, and have quite a few books of poetry (including one wonderful collection of his complete poems): e. e. cummings. Something about his style has always grabbed me, and he’s been the only poet ever to peak my interest.

While it’s difficult for me to narrow down one particular favorite, there are two that consistently pop into my mind when I’m trying to pick a favorite.

This first one I love because it’s so wonderfully un-subtle. Just my style. ;)

she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff i was
careful of her and(having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up,slipped the
clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell)next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg.     ing(my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
greasedlightening)just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

                    (it

was the first ride and believe i we was
happy to see how nice she acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens i slammed on

the
internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
brakes Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
-ling
to a:dead.

stand-
;Still)

This second one that always sticks in my head is much sweeter, and it’s primarily the last nine lines (starting with “what’s wholly”) that really get to me.

because it’s

Spring
thingS

dare to do people

(& not
the other way

round)because it

‘s A
pril

Lives lead their own

persons(in
stead

of everybodyelse’s)but

what’s wholly
marvellous my

Darling

is that you &
i are more than you

& i(be

ca
us

e It’s we)

(Incidentally, trying to translate e. e. cummings’ poetic formatting into workable valid HTML/CSS is not easy to do. Hopefully I managed to pull it off…)

(via Phil)

iTunes: “Lust for Life” by Pop, Iggy from the album Trainspotting (1977, 5:13).

Toyota Volta

Toyota Volta

Italian design.

Environmentally sound gas/electric hybrid.

408 horsepower.

0-62mph in 4.03 seconds, top speed of 155mph.

Carbon-fibre chassis.

Racing suspension.

31.7 miles per gallon.

And it’s only a show prototype, not likely to be built.

Such a shame.

(via Fark)

iTunes: “Callas Went Away” by Enigma from the album MCMXC A.D. (1990, 4:27).

Well, it was convenient…

Okay, so on the scale of stupid things Bush has done, this may not be right at the top, but it’s still a rather sad look at how little respect the man can have for other people when he’ll use someone else’s shirt to clean his glasses while their back is turned.

How would you feel about a person who thinks it is okay to grab your shirt and use it clean their eyeglasses?

That’s how arrogant our President is. During a commercial break on the David Letterman show, producer Maria Pope was on stage and discussing something with Letterman, and while she was standing there in front of Bush, George leaned forward, grabbed the back of her sweater and used it to clean his glasses. Check out the Quicktime video.

Regardless of your political party and beliefs, we all know that this administration has raised some serious questions, and has often asked for us to blindly believe in the their drastic actions, all of which are clearly far more serious than this boner on the Letterman show. However, there is not a spin, explanation, or flat out lie that can defend Bush’s character in this revealing moment, when he was dumb enough to think that people or cameras were not looking. Even worse scenario is he did know, but just didn’t care.

We deserve better leadership and representation. If you have any doubts, please vote him out.

(via Boing Boing)

iTunes: “Sympathy for the Devil” by Skrew from the album Shut Up Kitty (1993, 4:31).

The greatest conspiracy theory ever

A link to a somewhat sloppy article on 9-11 conspiracy theories on Metafilter led to a very worthwhile discussion today, including one of the best comments I’ve seen on there in a while. I’m reproducing it in full here — hopefully mokujin doesn’t mind. :)

The greatest conspiracy theory ever:

19 men (at least four of whom are, according to the BBC, still alive) of whom 14 are Saudi nationals engage in a coordinated Kamikaze attack on the symbolic centers of American military and financial power. 3000 innocent civilians are murdered in cold blood in about one hour.

Al Qaeda and Osama Bin Ladin are immediately blamed, but the U.S. government fails to provide any substantial evidence for this claim. A war on “terror” is declared. Strong ties are demonstrated between the president of the U.S. and the Bin Ladin family, but never really investigated by the media or the government.

The attacks become the justification for an enormous bill called USA PATRIOT. Democrats threaten to block the bill. At about this time a series of letters containing an advanced strain of Anthrax is sent to political and media figures including Democrat leader Tom Daschle. The USA PATRIOT act passes, even though most of the congressmen and senators had not had a chance to read the full text of the legislation. The person or persons behind the Anthrax attacks remain unknown and at large. The president attempts to prevent a congressional inquiry into the kamikaze attacks but, under pressure from the media and survivor’s families and after much wrangling, relents. The white house is given final edit of any report emanating from this commission. Much of the testimony given before the commission is secret and not revealed to the public. No one in our government is ever fired or reprimanded and no one resigns for their failure to prevent the attacks.

Meanwhile, an administration that has closer ties to the petroleum industry than any other in history uses the attacks as justification for two land wars against nations that offer important access for a proposed oil pipeline and vast oil wealth, respectively. The second of those nations, Iraq, the administration openly admits had nothing to do with the attacks. Congress hardly debates before handing over their constitutionally mandated power to declare war over to the president without a fight. Saudi Arabia, a nation that gives more private (and possibly public) money to terror than anyother is still a major recipient of U.S. aid. Also untouched by American vengeance and much touched by American dollars is Pakistan, a longtime Washington ally, whose security agency, the ISI, was a major backer of both the Taliban and Al Qaeda. Over a period of about two and a half years about 800 american and allied troops die. In this same time period at least 10,000 Iraqi and Afghan civilians and an unknown number of soldiers are killed in the name of avenging the attacks on America. Also, the U.S. military and intelligence services begin interning large number of foreign nationals in overseas U.S. military bases outside the reach of American, and, evidently, international law. These men are declared to be “enemy combatants” without rights.

Two and one half years after the attacks it is revealed with little fanfare that the President and his close advisors had planned both wars months in advance of the attacks. The American people remain largely supportive of the president even as the truth about this comes out. Most Americans also continue to believe, as they have been subtly or unsubtly encouraged to by the President and his closest advisors, that Iraq was in some way behind the attacks. The illegal weapons stockpiles and programs used as the official justification for that war are never found.

So that is a series of facts. I have strung them together in a way that might induce someone so inclined to falaciously infer causal relations where they may or may not exist, or it might not. How is 911 not a conspiracy? 19 men is a conspiracy. The old man in the caves is a conspiracy. So-called “neo-conservatives” who have been calling for war against Iraq since 1992 and who include in their number our secretary of defense, at least one assistant secretary of defense (Wolfowitz, also Feith?), vice president Cheney and scores of others in the government and media are the very definition of a conspiracy. The axis of evil is a conspiracy theory. The liberal media is a conspiracy theory.

got to catch my breath…

“Conspiracy theory” is a term people use to discredit other people’s arguments and ideas, it is an expression of power that is used to limit discourse and, by extension, thought. In the posted article it is being used to discredite the very sane and reasonable words of John Judge. Decontextualize his words from the foil-head stuff that surrounds them and you will find that he is asking for something that every American should be asking for: the truth. I hope that nobody reads that article and thinks that John Judge is crazy. I think it is quite obvious to anyone who has been paying attention that the government of the United States of America does not want a full and accurate public accounting of the events surrounding September 11. At the same time, the media is not and has not been doing its job. That is a conspiracy that more people should be angry about.

The attacks on September 11 and the events before and after are a vast web of conspiracies, anyone who denies that is confusing ignorance for truth. These conspiracies may not be as baffling or sinister as the ones mentioned in this article, but they do have the advantage of being real, and the hardcore “skeptics” are being just as irrational as the looniest of the conspiracy theorist. It should be remembered that government is the greatest conspiracy of them all. Our fellow citizens working together for the good of all. Ideally government is just, honest and transparent. At this moment in our history it is not any of those things. The many conspiracy theories about 911 are an honest, if irrational, reaction to this sad fact.

mojukin

Safer nuclear missiles

Thank god for small favors — at least when Bush finally flips his lid and the nukes start flying, we won’t be damaging our atmosphere

In order to comply with EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) regulations, and at a cost of about \$5.2 million per ICBM, the rocket motors on 500 Minuteman III missiles will be replaced with new ones. These rockets will emit less toxic chemicals when used. But the new, environmentally correct rockets will be heavier than the old ones, and will thus  have a shorter range than the original motors. The actual range of the  Minuteman III  has been classified, but is thought to be nearly 10,000 kilometers, based on where the missiles are stationed and where the original Russian targets were.  Thus, if the Minuteman III ICBMs have to be used in some future nuclear war, their rocket motors will not pollute the atmosphere. EPA regulations do not apply in foreign countries, so no changes are being made to reduce the harmful environmental effects of the nuclear warheads.

(via Boing Boing)

iTunes: “Killin’ Time (Hot Tracks)” by Cousins, Tina from the album Roadkill! 2.18 (1999, 6:29).

Amazon’s A9

Interesting: Amazon just launched A9, a Google-based search engine, choosing to break the news via John Batelle’s blog.

A9, Amazon’s much discussed skunk works search project goes live today, so I can finally write about it. I saw it last month (caveat: unbeknownst to me until recently, Amazon targeted me as their conduit to break this news – I think they wanted it to move from the blogosphere out, as opposed the WSJ in) and had to keep the damn thing to myself, it was hard, and here’s why: On first blush it’s a very, very good service, and an intriguing move by Amazon. It raises a clear question: How will Google – and more broadly, the entire search-driven world – react?

(via Boing Boing and Jason Kottke)

iTunes: “Ill Flower” by Future Sound of London, The from the album Lifeforms (1994, 3:24).

Online crack

Hey Alan — you thought this game was bad?

Wait ’til you start this one…;)

My first game I made it to level six, with 3650 points and 141 coins.

I’m going to waste so much time on this thing!

(via D)