I hope that something better comes along

SCENE: Evening in a bar. Our HERO walks into the the bar, pausing by the piano as the bar’s PIANIST plays an opening riff. The PIANIST looks up and greets our HERO as he plays lightly on the keyboard.

PIANIST: Evenin’! You look like you could use a drink.

OUR HERO: Yeah. I’d like a grasshopper, please.

PIANIST: [Calling to the bartender] Hey, can we have a grasshopper for the frog?

OUR HERO: Uh, that…that’s Kermit, Kermit the Frog.

PIANIST: Oh! Rowlf, Rowlf the Dog, here. Pleased ta meet’cha!

[ROWLF plays a fancy glissando on the piano]

ROWLF: I’m no Heifetz, but I get by.

[ROWLF continues to play lightly, as KERMIT looks out the window]

ROWLF: Lemme guess — broken heart, right?

KERMIT: Huh. Does it show?

ROWLF: Listen — when you’ve been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you’ve seen a broken heart for every drop of rain; a shattered dream for every falling star.

KERMIT: Exactly. She just walked out on me.

ROWLF: Eh, typical. That’s why I live alone.

KERMIT: You do, huh?

ROWLF: You bet. Finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed.

KERMIT: Nice and simple.

ROWLF: Stay away from women — that’s my motto.

KERMIT: But I can’t!

ROWLF: Neither can I. That’s my trouble.

ROWLF: You can’t life with ’em, you can’t live without ’em.
There’s something irresistable-ish about ’em.
We grin and bear it ’cause the nights are long —
I hope that somethin’ better comes along.

KERMIT: I see what you mean.
It’s no good complainin’, and pointless to holler.

ROWLF: If she’s a beauty she’ll get under your collar.

KERMIT: She made a monkey out of old King Kong.

BOTH: I hope that something better comes along.

ROWLF: Ah, but what could be better, than a saucy Irish Setter,
When puppy love comes on strong?
Or a collie that’s classy…
A laddie needs a lassie…
A lover and wife gives you a new leash on life!

KERMIT: Uh — uh, was that a new leash on life?

ROWLF: Oh yeah. Uh, sorry about that. Two, three, four…

KERMIT: I don’t mean to scare ya, my friend, but I bet’cha,
come Father’s Day the litter bug’s gonna get’cha.

ROWLF: The urge is righteous but the face is wrong!

BOTH: I hope that something better comes along.

KERMIT: Still, it’s fun when they’re fetchin’,
and agree to see an etching,
that you keep at your lilly pad.
There is no solution, it’s part of evolution…

ROWLF: The pitter-patter of soles, the little feet of tadpoles!

KERMIT: Uh, Rowlf, tadpoles don’t have feet!

ROWLF: Oh. Sorry about that. Two, three, four…

KERMIT: There’s no limitation to mixin’ and matchin’.

ROWLF: Some get an itchin’ for a critter they’ve been scratchin’.
A skunk was badgered, the results were strong!
I hope that somethin’ better,

BOTH: I hope that somethin’ better,
I hope that somethin’ better comes along!

ROWLF: Beep-bop-biddy-biddy, doom-bom-diddy-diddy, dom-bum-um-ummm…

[KERMIT walks off]

ROWLF: It’s not often you see a guy that green…had the blues that bad.

The only way out is in

I just got back from seeing The Core.

In an effort to kick-start my brain back into gear, I think before I go to bed tonight, I’m going to have to watch something that actually has decent plot, interesting characters, and — most importantly — some semblance of scientific crediblity.

Armageddon should do nicely.

To Tim Robbins, re: Bob Roberts

The following letter was sent to Tim Robbins via his agent. I have no real idea if he will receive it, or whether he will answer. No matter the outcome, I’m preserving the letter here.


Mr. Smith,

I’m not entirely sure if this is the best (or maybe even appropriate) way to go about this, but if would be so kind to forward this letter along to Mr. Robbins, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Mr. Robbins,

Last weekend, in the midst of ranting with a friend about all things political, I found out that she hadn’t seen “Bob Roberts.” Having been a fan of the film since I saw it in the theaters during its initial run, I pulled it out and we sat down and watched it — her first time, and my first time in about a year or so.

We both enjoyed it a lot, but I was astounded at how much more topical it seemed today than it did at the time it came out. Substitute Roberts’ folk background with Bush’s oil family background, and in many ways, they seemed almost frighteningly similar in their ideological attitudes. We spent some time after the movie talking about it, and in the course of the discussion became somewhat curious as to what you might think of the film now, especially in the light of the current administration.

At a time when the separation of church and state is becoming increasingly less distinct, when our personal liberties are becoming more and more curtailed, and when any opinion that does not mesh with that of the ‘powers that be’ is deemed “un-American” and cause for censure (as demonstrated by the unfortunate cancellation of the Bull Durham celebration due to the political views of you and Susan Sarandon), it seems all to much like what was satire in 1991 has become the sad reality of everyday life today.

I found one article on the Internet about an interview you did for ‘The Tech’ at MIT where even at the time that ‘Bob Roberts’ was being released, you were seeing some similarities between Roberts and the then campaigning George W. Bush.

The campaign that Roberts launches shows more than a few similarities to the campaigns of today’s candidates, which is somewhat amazing considering that the script was written six years ago. “Well, there are some strange similarities,” Robbins admits. “Just the other day Bush, at a campaign stop, was asked what voters could do to help him in November, and he said, I think jokingly, ‘Vote often.’ And as you know, Bob Roberts says something similar. It’s strange to see. I guess it’s good for the movie but I don’t know if it’s good for the country.”

Since then, of course, Bush has stepped up his religious rhetoric, creating even more similarities between him and your fictional character.

Should you have the time and inclination to respond to this, I’d love to hear a little bit from you about how you view ‘Bob Roberts’ now, ten years later, in a political and cultural climate that would be very familiar — and probably comfortable — for the satirical character you created. If you were comfortable with my posting any response you might be able to give to my website, that would be wonderful, however, as this is primarily my own personal curiosity at play, I would not post anything publicly without your permission.

In any case, thank you much for your work over the years, for creating ‘Bob Roberts’, and for standing up for your beliefs in a time where doing so is becoming more and more unpopular, and at times fraught with consequences it never should have.

Sincerely,

Michael “Woody” Hanscom

Terminators of Endearment

This is wonderful — a few people in the rec.arts.sf.written newsgroup have hit upon the idea of a cross between the Terminator sci-fi series and the writings of Jane Austin…

“Indeed,” said the man (whom Patience could not help but think of as made of clockwork, though he manifestly was something far stranger), “I speak of these things not merely because of the way that I am made, though indeed a machine should do that which it is made to do, but because I have found that I have developed, through our many conversations, a feeling of that which is proper, both within the bounds of your society and without; and being that I am, here, a gentleman, I find that I am also bound to behave as a gentleman would, and indeed, Lady Patience, I must warn you that this Mr. Connor is a man of less than sterling character.”

(via BoingBoing)

The speech follows no logical pattern

From Tom Tomorrow:

The entire situation is reminiscent, as someone pointed out on Atrios, of the old Star Trek episode “Patterns of Force” (in which) Federation history professor John Gill becomes the drugged leader of a Nazi planet:

GILL (seen on TV at a rally): If we fulfill our own greatness,
that will all be ended. Working together —

SPOCK: Captain, the speech follows no logical pattern. Random sentences strung together.

MCCOY: He looks drugged, Jim, almost in a cataleptic state.

GILL: …reach our goal, and we will reach that goal. (cheering) Every thought…directed toward a goal. This planet…can become a paradise, if we are willing to pay the price. As each cell in the body…works with discipline and harmony for the good…of the entire being —

No, really, it's not propaganda

Whether or not you’re old enough to remember seeing them in theaters (I’m not), you may very likely know about the old MovieTone newsreels that used to be shown in theaters before movies. Well, it looks like they’re going to be back, in the form of short films created by soldiers currently overseas.

“We fell on this idea of recreating films that looked like and were the length of the old Movietone forms of the 1940s,” said Marine Lt. Col. Jim Kuhn, military producer for the undertaking called the Movietone Newsreel Project. Kuhn says the objective is to put together a short film that combines the commentary of real-life soldiers with the kind of footage civilian journalists would be unable to get.

The planned films based on the Iraq conflict mark the military’s second attempt to create a modern, government-sponsored version of the wartime Movietone, a short-film format that was popular among studios in the days before television news broadcasts were widely available. The first effort by the Navy and Marines, titled Enduring Freedom, was based on footage collected from troops in Afghanistan.

Enduring Freedom was not without its Hollywood flourishes, including the fast pace of an action movie and a soundtrack reminiscent of a happy-ending scene in a big-budget drama. O’Connor, a former producer of Marines recruitment ads, says the films are crafted as documentaries and “are not propaganda.”

I may not remember Movietone newsreels, but I do remember when I could go to see a movie and actually be able to see a movie. Now, in addition to all the commercials and ads before we even get to the trailers, we get government sponsored and produced propaganda as well?

Pardon me if I’m not jumping up and down for joy.

Rocky Horror Muppet Show

Frank N. Piggy? Miss Piggyfurter?

What do you get when you cross a love of the Rocky Horror Picture Show with a love of the Muppets?

Some of the most truly bizarre pictures I’ve ever seen — the Rocky Horror Muppet Show. Apparently the troupe that does this is based here in Seattle — I have got to find out when this goes on and show up!

Also, while it’s not the best (ahem…most amusing) review I’ve read on their site, the notorious ultra-conservative Christian movie review site CAP finally got around to posting their RHPS review.

Ignominy in this cult flick included homosexual song and talk, homosexual presences and practices, and vulgar behavior such as a man’s head between a man’s legs behind translucent drapes; detailed statue nudity, nudity in plain view and behind translucent drapes, intercourse behind the same; inappropriate touch (both hetero- and homosexual) and begging for it, very brief clothing, group licking/kissing; transvestism, adults in underwear, suggestive (homosexual) eye movements; vulgar positioning in very brief clothing, explicit homosexual song/dance; expressions such as “There’s no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure” speaking to trying homosexuality. Among the non-sexual ignominy were the three/four letter word vocabulary, God’s name in vain both with and without the four letter expletive, an unseen but heard pickax murder, raygun murder, cannibalist meal of Meatloaf (I wonder from where that idea came). There is more, a lot more but the point is made for the wholesome moviegoer.

(Muppet pics via BoingBoing, CAP review via The Zen Room)