Jupiter

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(Background: this exchange came about in 1994, when a comet was breaking up as it passed by Jupiter and falling into the planet.)

Saturday, July 30, 1994 6:36:03 PM
From: Rtist
Subject: Jupiter gone?
To: Science

So, does anyone know how Jupiter is doing? Is it still under attack? Are there any new holes in it? How’s it goin’ up there?

Monday, August 1, 1994 4:32:49 AM
From: Woodstock
Subject: Re: Jupiter gone?
To: Science

It’s gone. The force of all the chunks hitting it disrupted the rotation and magnetic fields enough that all the gases surrounding it have been sloughing away into space…some merging with the rings that used to surround Jupiter, some of the heavier material being caught in the gravitational fields of the moons, but most just drifting off through the solar system. Scientists predict that when the Earth starts moving through the fields, those of us lucky enough to live up here in Alaska should see some absolutely phenominal displays of the Northern Lights, as the foreign gases start to interact with those that normally produce the displays.

Meanwhile, there’s been some excitement about a certain picture the Hubble took…something about a large black slab at the center of where Jupiter used to be, the edges appear to have a ratio to each other of 1x3x9…(grin)

In case you’re wondering, yes, this is a load of crap. But it was fun to write. So there. Bleah. Let someone else tell you what’s really going on, I’m shooting for a job at the Weekly World News…

(big grin)

Woodstock

MTV VJ Pvt. Jessica Lynch

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This is just disgusting — the New York Times has an article exposing CBS’ attempt to buy Pvt. Lynch through TV movies, books…and an MTV special event concert.

MTV Networks, the letter went on, was offering a news special, a chance for Private Lynch and her friends to be the co-hosts of an hourlong music video program on MTV2, and even a special edition of its hit program “Total Request Live” in her honor. “This special would include a concert performance in Palestine, West Va., by a current star act such as Ashanti, and perhaps Ja Rule,” the proposal said.

(via Bob Harris)

Fun with polls

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About the same number of people who think it’s an advantage to be a woman in America would eat a rat on live TV. Clearly, we’ve got some work to do on the whole gender-equality thing.

— Bob Harris, in this TMW post about recent poll results that, among other things, show that a third of Americans believe that WMDs were found in Iraq, and that 22% actually believe that Iraq used WMDs during the war.

Poems for Laila

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I wanted to do two things with this post — test a new feature for the site, and promote one of my favorite bands, Poems for Laila.

I discovered PfL when I was in Germany in the summer of 1991. I saw a display stand advertising the release of their second album, and gave it a listen. What I heard was enough to peak my interest, so I bought their first two albums — ‘Another Poem for the 20th Century’ and ‘La Fillete Triste’ — on the spot.

Unfortunately, I bought them on cassette tape, and over the next few years, I listened to them enough to wear them out. Thanks to the magic of the ‘net, though, a few months ago I was lucky enough to track down not just the two albums I used to own, but three more. Eventually I’ll order as many as their albums as I can, but as they’re not available here in the states, for now I’ll just have to live with the .mp3s I downloaded (one of the very few times I’ve actively searched music out on the file trading networks).

In the meantime, though, you can browse through my PfL catalog, and listen to just what has captured my interest for so long. It’s a little difficult to narrow down just a few ‘recommended tracks’, but here’s a few good ones from the two albums I know the best:

  • From ‘Another Poem for the 20th Century’:
    • Intro to the Morning After
    • The Morning After
    • Lewd
  • From ‘La Fillete Triste’:
    • Round Round Round (The Gentleman’s Fear)
    • Willy Poor Boy
    • I Hold A Prince

Enjoy!

Viagra gum?

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Here’s a bizarre little story that one of my co-workers just told me about: Wrigley patents anti-impotence gum:

Wm. Wrigley Jr., maker of Juicy Fruit, Big Red and Doublemint gums, is expanding its definition of “doubling your pleasure.” The Chicago gum company has been granted a U.S. government patent to develop a gum that contains a dose of the generic chemical in Viagra.

\Won’t this gum be hard to chew once your tongue swells up and stiffens inside your mouth? I’d guess it’ll sell quite well at lesbian bars, though….\</obligatory stupid jokes>

(via Tim)

Update: Comments have been closed for this entry, as I got tired of deleting constant spam comment links. This post is not an open invitation for Viagra or Phenteremine spam. Go the fuck away.

Heroes

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Except in the life of a hero, the whole world is meaningless. The hero sees values beyond what’s possible. That’s the nature of a hero. It kills him, of course, ultimately. But it makes the whole struggle of humanity worthwhile.

— John Gardner, Grendel

The greatest American is…

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In preparation for a show airing next week entitled ‘What the World Thinks of America,’ the BBC took nominations for the ten greatest Americans of all time. Nominations have closed, and now it’s time to vote!

So, out of a completely open playing field, what ten people were nominated as the ten greatest Americans ever?

Bill Clinton, Bob Dylan, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Luther King Jr., Abraham Lincoln, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Homer Simpson, Mr. T, and George Washington.

Homer Simpson? Mr. T?

And, while this is kind of amusing, it’s also kind of disturbing — the current standings, after 28,548 votes:

  • Bill Clinton (3.53%)
  • Franklin D Roosevelt (3.78%)
  • Benjamin Franklin (4.07%)
  • George Washington (4.62%)
  • Bob Dylan (5.12%)
  • Thomas Jefferson (5.72%)
  • Mr. T (8.17%)
  • Martin Luther King Jr. (9.08%)
  • Abraham Lincoln (9.60%)
  • Homer Simpson (46.33%)

For the record, I voted for Martin Luther King, Jr.

(via Prairie)

Update: The website for the show (linked above) looks very interesting too. It includes a short 10-question quiz about America — that I got a whopping 60% on. Ouch. Maybe I need to watch the show, too…

Habits

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So D’s asking about odd or wierd habits today. I know I’ve got more than my fair share…

  • I’ve got something of an unusual vocabulary — choice phrases that I really do say, both online and in the real world, include “rock on,” “ooers,” “woohoo,” and others that I’m blanking on at the moment because I’m actively trying to come up with them.
  • I’m a fidgeter. Always have been, always will be. Must have something to do with my hands, whether it’s playing with something, tapping my fingers to music, talking with my hands while describing something, or anything else.
  • I will, on occasion, completely randomly start hopping or skipping, or generally bouncing around. This usually happens when other people aren’t around to witness it, but I’ve been caught on more than one occasion.
  • Four years after cutting my long hair off, I still tend to try to run my hand through my hair when thinking or stressed.
  • Certain events must be described as “fuckin’ awesome.”
  • I quote movies constantly — but rarely entirely accurately. Close enough to make my point, but I’m often corrected by my friends after spouting off.
  • It’s just been pointed out to me that I tend to start humming whatever random song is floating through my head at any given point.
  • After my years of DJ’ing, I’m incredibly catty when I’m at a club and the DJ isn’t up to my personal standards. And they rarely are.
  • I’m as likely to watch a Disney film as I am a horror flick or bizarre surrealistic art film.
  • If there’s a way to make a lowbrow, crude, gutter-level joke about something, I’ll probably go there.
  • I’m not a big fan of cheese, and my preferred form is the Kraft Singles (fondly referred to as “plastic cheese” by my mom).

I think that’s enough for now. I’m sure there’s more…